


Keep Me In Your Memories

by ShiningStar324



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: 3x18 hurt me, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BECASUE I AM SAD, I love them so much, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Malec, Sad Alec Lightwood, This Is Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-14 19:52:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18483226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShiningStar324/pseuds/ShiningStar324
Summary: Magnus Bane doesn't remember Alec Lightwood.Alec just wants him to be happy but it's hard to let go of your entire world.





	Keep Me In Your Memories

Life doesn't always go the way you want it to. That was what he said to Izzy when she had insisted that he go to the mundane institutions to help him get through the rough times. 

He knew it was true. Life isn't all rainbows and sunshines. He was a shadowhunter after all. 

He was warrior, forced onto the field when he was just a child, fighting demons and getting soaked in ichor everyday while getting his body littered with bruises and cuts. 

He was the first born, getting compressed with the weight of being perfect all the time, trying to keep up with the expectation his parents set out for him and trying to correct the mistakes that they had made years ago.

He was an ex boyfriend, forced to leave his better-half and break him in the worst way. He had to give him happiness, by taking his own happiness away. Life was always unfair for Alec Lightwood and every minute that passed he wishes with all his heart that he could have been selfish that day, wished that he could have looked everyone in the eye and told them No, he wasn't going to leave Magnus Bane all alone. No, he wasn't going to break up with the only person he will ever love. No, he won’t break up with Magnus because he CAN’T live without him. 

Another thing about life though, is that time was never stopping of anyone. Now, it was too late. Too late to regret his decisions, too late to beat himself over the gaping hole in his chest calling out to be filled once again, too late to cry over the feeling of never being loved again, too late to ever feel open to being loved again. 

“We can go slow if you would like Alec, we can go at your pace. I am ready whenever you are.” 

Alec blinked his eyes slowly, coming out of the spiral of memories he found himself drowning in way too often. “Sorry…what did you ask?” The old woman in front of him smiled again. She did that often. Her wrinkly skin stretched as she fixed her glasses that had dropped low on the nose. “You mentioned your boyfriend.” 

“Ex. Ex-boyfriend.” Alec stammered, lowering his voice that had increased slightly. He looked down and than back up at the lady in front of him, whose raised eyebrow was an indication that she caught his little action. It was her job after all. 

“Right. Of course. My apologies. Go on.” 

Alec shrugged his shoulders, tracing runes on the arm of the wooden chair he was seated on. “His name was Magnus. He was beautiful…beautiful.” His voice came out as a broken whisper. “We loved each other. He was my first love and he was also my last.” 

The woman in front of him tilted her head. “Alec, you are just 22. You are young, I know that the first love may feel like the end of the world-“ 

Alec shook his head. “NO! You don't get it! I love him. I didn't want to let him go. I HAD to let him go.” 

The woman in front of him didn’t as much so flinch an eye, used to his slow progression and outbursts. “Why?” 

Alec gulped. “Because- because he gave up everything, to love me and I wanted to do the same, because he deserved the world. I didn't want to be selfish. I wanted him to be happy, even if it meant sacrificing my own happiness and now-“ Alec swallowed the lump in his throat. “Now he doesn't even remember me. He looks at me like I'm a stranger, like I don’t matter to him.” Alec whispered, slumping back into his chair. 

“You know Alec, everyone copes in a different way after a break up. Magnus might not be over the break up yet and his way of dealing with it may be by ignoring you or making you feel like he doesn't care. That doesn't mean he doesn't remember you. You should talk to him-“ 

Alec shook his head, letting his eyes look down at his lap in silent defeat. “No. No. It’s fine. I can’t be here right now. I told Izzy this wasn't a good idea.” Alec got up from his seat. “Maybe it would be better if I didn't come here anymore.” Alec picked up his jacket from the chair and flung it over his shoulder. 

The chilly breeze of New York hit him and he closed his eyes, taking a seat at the closest bench he could find. Blank, eyes of a stranger stared back at him, replacing the warm brown ones that he will always love and cherish. 

The hole in his chest seemed to expand at the loss of his world. With his heart aching, and his eyes burning, Alec Lightwood got up from the bench, taking unsteady steps towards the institute. He smiled as he passed the locks spelling love at the side of the street, eyes falling on a red lock that just stood out from the rest. 

M+A was written on it with a sharpie that was starting to wear off. Alec blinked the wetness away from his eyes, taking the lock into his hand, he took out a marker and tracing over the M before letting the lock fall and clink against the wall. 

Magnus Bane and Alexander Lightwood. 

Alexander Lightwood and Magnus Bane. 

The Head of the New York institute and the High Warlock of Brooklyn. 

A mortal and an immortal. 

A mortal and a moral.

A stranger and another stranger. 

Alec put the marker back in his pocket before walking away from the locks. He brought his hand up to cover the ring that was dangling from the string around his neck and let his finger trace the large L on it softly. 

He just hoped, that wherever Magnus is, he is happy. Even if his happiness is without him being a part of it. 

As long as Magnus is happy, Alec thinks that maybe, the permanent hole in his heart just may be worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> 3x18 hurt me deeply so I wrote this in a few minutes to take out my feelings. They deserve so much happiness and love. Thank you so much for reading y'all. :)


End file.
